寂寞的夜晚

看来这个部落格好像没什么动静。。

不知道你还记得这个部落格吗？

今夜我真的睡不着。很挣扎。。。

很想找人陪我聊聊天，闲聊，让我心情开朗一些，好入眠一些。

很想听听你的声音～

可是打的电话，就只可以听 dudu...

所期待的都变一场空

发发短信想告诉你我的心情

你也告诉我你正参加生日会

不想影响你心情，唯有告诉你我要睡了

其实怎么睡得着呢？

早安！

最近在看一套本身觉得很好看的台湾片。

很多很感动的画面。

也是激发我思想空间的一套戏。

其中我很喜欢的一幕是当男主角病时，女主角照顾他。那是很强烈的感觉就是，一个人若生病，没人照顾感觉很惨。若有一位可细心地照顾你，有他你也不必操心的人照顾你，那是多么幸福啊！那个时候，当然女的，也常常在男主角身边看他睡觉的样子。

有时候，觉得自己很喜欢观察，观看人家睡觉。觉得那时是那个人最真，最放松的时刻。观察一个人睡觉时，也是可以用比较长的时间看那个人。喜欢早上起身就跑到房间看人睡觉的样子。观察他，从眼睛，鼻子，嘴巴，皮肤，脸，他呼吸的样子，睡觉的样子。喜欢早上的拥抱。因为早上的拥抱是有他最贴身，最有温度的拥抱。那温温的感觉，感觉好像被抱入一个温暖窝里。那刚睡醒的样子仿佛刚送走昨天，开眼睛欢迎你的早上！我也喜欢观察他睡觉。因为当他一开眼睛，我是他所见到的第一个人耶！所以，我就会给予一个morning kiss 附加：早安宝贝！，来迎接他新的一天。 不知道他的感觉怎样？但是我觉得感觉很不错啦！

觉得若是我结婚后的日子，我亲爱的不时会在早上给我惊喜，我就会很开心，很满足啦！不论是一个morning kiss，还是为我预备早餐，或是在早上时送我生日礼物，圣诞节礼物，哇～感觉好好哦！

思念

在这一刻，对你有很深的思念。那种很想马上见到你，但是又想享受这种对你思念的感觉。心情很复杂。今天，是我们在一起第二年的第50天啦！在一起的日子，说长不长，说短也不短。

此刻，很想和你有我们的小天地。那个时候会是几时呢？想起你说过的1000天承诺；若是真的，那这承诺很快就会实现了！哈哈，但是知道你有你自己的计划。为将来，为我们的将来的计划，努力和付出。明年，我就毕业了！多想快快地毕业。。虽然那个时候我不再有很多的空闲时间，但是至少是可以充实自己，为自己的梦想和将来计划打算。你也要加油哦！

想你。。。

拼回一个我

这几天，我实在无法好好地睡觉。

感觉很折磨。原来无法好睡真的很折磨。我很感恩一直以来上帝给我可以好好睡，睡久久，睡得很熟的每一个晚上。现在的每一天，我真的好怕要入眠的那一刻。想起那睡不着，没有安全感，紧张的感觉，实在是太恐怖了。那些感觉是我从来没有的。。开始回想我自己最近的生活。感觉只是一塌糊涂。最近，我知道我走错路。走到一个不应该走的路。对自己的决定彻底的失望和伤心。想了很多，最近的我已经不再像以前开朗，无忧无虑，有信心，对未来有无数的梦想，品格良好，坚持，等。我。。。已经不存在了。

心里很挣扎，很辛苦。。只想再次把我生命的碎片交给上帝，再次的拼回一个我。拼回一个有裂痕的我，总比洒在地上的碎片美吧！当然，这需要我最近的你，家人来帮助我。我想，要有一个美丽的我，也需要一个支持我的你。

沉淀

今天早上和你讲完电话以后，我选择来回看了你的部落格, 我的部落格。依稀记得，我已经很久没这么地沉淀自己了。。。沉淀的感觉其实是很可怕的， 就好像一开始你浮在水面，然后慢慢地呼出空气，身体慢慢地沉浸在水中。。一直往下沉，往下沉。。气泡一直往你的鼻孔冒出，身体开始缺氧，但你却没意识地想挣扎。眼前的四周开始变成模糊，你只想就这样永远地失去知觉。。。

尝试过自己一个人生活的人，很多时候都会选择沉淀自己，不想面对现实，不敢盼望未来。。只想苟且地渡过每一天。。

如果你不在，我想我会沉淀一段很悠长的时间。。。我真的明白很多单身中年的孤独，没人关心，没人在乎他们的存在，没有惊喜，没有喜怒无常。。我也明白乏味的人生是怎样的一个人生。。平淡无奇，行尸走肉。。

把沉淀的心情记下，是想让我清楚地记住，我有多么的需要你。。

Grace

As i came across the word of 'Grace', it's quite hard to understand it unless we take in practice.

I believe Grace comes from our faith to God. If we believe in Him, we believe Go's grace is upon us.

Grace is God's unmerited favor. It is kindness from God we don't deserve. There is nothing we have done, nor we can ever do to earn this favor. God's grace is not a license to sin. It's a gift from God.Grace is divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration (rebirth) or sanctification; a virtue coming from God; a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine favor.

A preacher once explained grace to me with this acronym:

God's

Riches

At

Christ's

Expense

I remember that my aunt shared to me her working life. She conclude it with: If we honour God in our life, God will definitely honour us back in our life. We need alot of grace in our life especially dealing things with people.

I can always see God's grace is upon mummy. Many times, whenever she met difficulties or whenever she came to a bottle neck, she prayed, and God granted her a new road. Just like when she walk into police station to lodge a report (wira car accident), God's grace upon her by letting the police being friendly and helpful to her. Even the person whom he always goes to police station to help customer dealing things, he was surprise that the police act in that way. Mummy shared, and she always say: if we treat people friendly, people will treat us friendly too. She was thankful that God's mercy is on her. But through this case, i can see not only she was friendly, God's mercy is on her, but also God's grace is on her.

Many things are beyond our control. And many times, things does not work out with our hardwoking, knowledge, skills,relationship, authority, money and etc. It is important to have the mentioned things in life. But for things beyond our control, somehow it will not work even we have tried our best. Still, God's grace is needed. Having faith on God trusting and praying that God's grace is upon us to walk through our daily life.

Seeking Balance

Is hard to strike balance between own interest and partner's interest, on the matter of relationship. Therefore, communication has to be built as conduit to convey personal interest to evade conflicts. The common term which corporation used "conflicts of interest", has the best practice to avoid - to make self-declaration if there is any pursuit of personal interest that evoke conflicts with the company.

Communication does not mean to give instruction, for partner to comply but to achieve common understanding that both parties acquiesced. Tolerance get involved when any party find unfairness rose during communication process so as there is give and take. Raising an issue to discuss was not intending to be forceful but on the ground to gain consent, collaboration and support.

Keeping silence will exacerbate the conflicts if communication was trying to establish, and being defensive will never make good things happen. Speak up for yourself, so that your partner understand. Else, conflicts of interest will be on show again and again, which eventually erode relationship.

Invest in a relationship needs tonnes of courage, so do speak for your own interest. Recognizing flaws in a relationship and communicate for the betterment of it, should be the constant that leads to a fruitful and happy relationship... and... that is why I spent time to talk to you...

[ps: Before writing these, negative thoughts keep on parading my mind, when the communication was screwed up early this afternoon. Till I wrote this, I felt much better as recognizing flaws is a milestone of managing relationship.]

My tiring working day

A diary of my day~

A day which i felt i'm really tired while i'm working. Many times, if i felt boring or tired when i'm working, i will have my colleagues to talk to, helping me to have a relax moment. But today is the first day which i really keep an eye on my watch. Tik Tok Tik Tok, waiting every seconds to passby. 

Lunch time. This is my first time eating with my lady boss. Chat with her along the way, and i found out she is actually not that hard to mix with compare to what i always have her in mind. For me, she is the type that you really need to know her and understand her style, then you won't get irritated by her movements or speech. A mother of a 3 years old son, sharing her life to me. Not only her life, but also sharing her self that would never came across my mind of her. 

I always know that people who gives you an impression of herself, it may be different if you come closer to understand a person. Indeed, i have some change of view on my boss. It would always be a lesson to learn for life for understanding people and to communicate with people. I think it's an important lesson to learn in life. I would much appreciate frank sharing from friends usually, like my boss. This is because i can understand them more easily rather than guessing here and there. It's tiring for such a not sensitive me. I really need to learn to be sensitive in order to speed me up in communication progress in life with people. Gambateh xuan! :D

Thinking of you... Wondering how are you on the basketball court? Hoping to see you playing one day. I think It's somehow a sweet moment to see my own lover enjoying happily playing on the court with friends~ :D

Rat race!!

As soon as my exam over, I heave a sigh of relief, finally. This is a long absence period which I've missed few years back when I was preparing for my SPM. Being a highly motivated and discipline scholar, I spent every minutes trying to understand theories and memorize facts, equipping myself with winning cards that guarantee me good grades.

Giving myself a day off, I choose to carry on with my reading habits, which I nurtured when embarking my voyage of MBA. Reading "Rich Dad Poor Dad" sparked streaming of thoughts that overflown my mind. "Rat race", quoted from the book, is a boundless race where there is no finishline. People are working hard, hoping for an increase on their monthly paycheck, or promotion, so that they can spend more. When they have eventually being rewarded for a higher pay, their expenses also increase, as to match their lifestyle with a new status. Chasing for more money, is like a donkey chasing for the carrots in front of its nose, dangled by its owner, the boss.

Would you like to be the owner, or the donkey? Truly, I am hoping to be the owner. Learning to let money generating money before spending it, is not easy and is never too late. Yet, the fundamental is, you have to start saving. That's the only way out of the rat race..

Celebrity look alikes

Celebrity look- alikes